Not Everyone Wants You to Win

In this solo episode of Hot Takes, Caytie Langford dives deep into a hard truth: not everyone in your inner circle wants to see you succeed. Drawing from her personal experiences and observations, Caytie sheds light on the uncomfortable reality that even those closest to us can inadvertently hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams. Through candid storytelling and insightful analysis, she challenges listeners to reassess their support systems and confront the dynamics of ambition and fear within their relationships.

Key Highlights:

1. Uncomfortable Truths: Caytie confronts the uncomfortable reality that not everyone in our inner circle genuinely wants to see us succeed, despite our expectations.
2. Navigating Relationships: She encourages listeners to evaluate their relationships and recognize that people's responses to our goals and dreams are often shaped by their own fears and limitations.
3. Personal Reflections: Caytie shares her own journey of facing resistance and discouragement from loved ones when she embarked on new ventures, highlighting the emotional toll of feeling unsupported.
4. Embracing Self-Belief: Through empowering messages, she emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself, protecting one's goals, and seeking support from those who genuinely uplift and encourage.
5. The Power of Persistence: Caytie urges listeners to stay focused on their dreams, build new relationships with supportive individuals, and remain resilient in the face of opposition, knowing that their vision is unique and valuable.
   
   00:06 Introduction to the Podcast
   02:35 The Uncomfortable Truth: Not Everyone Wants You to Win
   04:24 Caytie's Personal Journey and Realizations
   13:09 Understanding the Dynamics of Support and Resistance
   15:25 Navigating the Dynamics: How to Stay True to Your Path
   22:13 The Importance of Self-Belief and Validation
   25:01 Conclusion: Your Dreams are Valid
   27:01 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
   
   
   

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Transcript

0:05

Welcome to Not Made to Be Subtle, the podcast that will ignite the flame within women just like you. The place where we're gonna reject the ordinary, embrace audacity, and step into our unapologetic boldness. I'm Caytie Langford, real estate investor, motivational speaker, champion of women, and your guide on this journey. In a world where societal expectations often tell women, we've gotta calm down, be quiet, be more subtle, we are here to say absolutely not. No more. No, this podcast, this is gonna be your place, your sanctuary for unfiltered conversations with badass women who dared to ask, is this it? And then decided to go after more. I've spent decades empowering women from corporate America, nonprofits, and now in the real estate industry. The truth is, my mission in life is to inspire, motivate, and impact the lives of women. I wanna help them gain confidence and take massive action. And now I want you to join me as we explore stories of courage. Resilience and transformation, but we're not here to just inspire you. No. We are here to propel you into that badass version of yourself that lies within you. You see, not made to be subtle is gonna be the place where we are going to absolutely celebrate the wins, but we are also going to talk about the messy middle. That place that sucks when we're right in it, but it's the place where real growth happens. I'm Caytie Langford. I've been through my fair share of wins, and I certainly have been in the messy middle. Together we're gonna dive into riveting stories. We're gonna have unfiltered conversations, and we're gonna give you actionable advice that will transform you into the unstoppable force that you were created to be. So stay tuned for this episode of Not Made to Be Subtle because you, you, my friend, you were never made to be subtle. Welcome to another episode of Hot Takes, and today we are going to jump right in it, lady. This may be a hard, cold fact that you don't wanna hear, but not everyone wants you to win and not just people who don't know you. Some people in your inner circle actually do not want you to win. It's crazy. It's hard. This is uncomfortable. This feels awkward and weird. Not everyone in your inner circle wants to see you succeed. And I know that for myself, that was a really hard pill for me to swallow, but sometimes the people that are closest to us can inadvertently. Hold us back and that's what I wanna discuss with you today. And not only do I wanna discuss this with you, but I want you to begin to think about your sphere of influence, those in the very middle of your sphere of influence, those people that are the closest to you. And I also want you to start to think about the larger circle, if you will, because. ambitious women like you and like me, the women who are listening to this podcast the women who I'm attracted to, the women who I tend to attract, we are bold, we are ambitious, we are savvy. We have goals, we have dreams, we have things that we are going after. And it is really easy to get caught up in this idea that everyone wants us to succeed. It is much more challenging when we step back and we observe that that's not always the case. I'm gonna take you back to 2016. I launched my executive coaching business. You see the 14 years prior to that, I had spent in nonprofit fundraising climbing the ladder from entry level straight out of college. To the C-suite, and in 2016 I decided to do something brand new. I completely shifted. I walked away from that first career in fundraising and I put myself out there to be a coach. what I didn't realize and what I didn't know was gonna happen was that not everyone actually wanted me to be successful in this. So before I jump into all of that, you might be questioning, you might even be thinking, oh my goodness, what about the people in my life? Do the people in my life, do they want me to succeed? Now, before we go any further, what I wanna say is that. It's not that people don't want you to succeed, it's not that people don't want you to have success, although there are some there. Listen, there are some people who wanna watch you fail. Some of those people might even be masquerading as your friends or family members, but they really, if, if you really got down to brass tacks, they could even be seen as enemies. But you and I both know that we don't really have time for those people. The truth is though, is that when we step out into something new, when we step out into something that is risky, when we step out into something that is big and bold, it is going to bring things up in people within our circle, right? You see, people can only view life through their own lens. Think about yourself right now. I don't care if it's work, if it's family, if it's volunteering, if it's a community that you're in. When you get presented with an idea, you look at life through your lens, right? You look at life through your history. You look at life through your values, through your morals, through your beliefs. You look at life through your successes. You look at life through your values. You also look at life through your limiting beliefs. So if you do that, you have to understand that every single other person on the planet also does that. They look at life through their own lens, and so when you have goals that are going to challenge you, that are gonna push you, they're gonna take you to a new place that you haven't been the people around you with their own limiting beliefs, with their own values and morals, with their own experience and failures and successes. They're going to shine a light through their lens, It's really scary when we decide to take a step, when we decide to put ourselves out there. And then to understand, to experience people in our life not actually encouraging us, and in fact discouraging us. Has there ever been a time when you've shared something with someone expecting them to be super proud of you? Super excited for you only to be met with hesitation only to be met with their fears, to be met with. A sense that they didn't really want you to pursue this. When I started my first business in 2016, I was super excited. You see, in 2015, I left a career that was no longer serving me. I left a career that I was crying in my corner office about every single day. So in 2016, after I'd taken six months off to think and pray and cry and nap and journal and talk to people who I really trusted, I went out on my own. I decided that I was gonna put myself out there for this new venture. I, I was gonna try coaching and I. That all of the people who loved me, all of my close friends, all of the people who I would consider in my inner circle, I thought they would be super pumped. I thought they would be like high fiving me, supporting me signing up for a mastermind that I was leading. I thought they would be helping me get coaching clients. I thought that they would be really shining a light on me in a positive way, and y'all, I was shocked. I was shocked when some of my dearest friends. Wouldn't even like a post of mine on Facebook wouldn't come to an event that I put together. Wouldn't even tell people about it. I had people in my life who unintentionally hurt me because I didn't feel like they were supporting me. I don't know if you've ever been that way. I don't know if you've ever had that experience. I bet that if you've done something that's big and scary, it doesn't even have to be big, right? There could be something that you don't even think is a big deal, but other people think is scary. Sometimes people consciously discourage us from pursuing what we want. Sometimes people subconsciously discourage us. When I went through my own journey of people who I thought were gonna be there for me and people who I thought were going to cheer me on when I went through and experienced their silence, or when I experienced their pullback, right when they decided to pull back from me, it was scary and it was hard. You know when we see people who are super far away from us, right? Like when we see people who might just be a Facebook friend, when we see people who are strangers, really, but somehow they know about our life. They aren't supporting us and they aren't encouraging us. When it comes to our biggest, boldest dreams or even our smallest, craziest dreams, it feels normal, right? When someone that we don't really know doesn't back us, that somehow feels okay, and yet when someone really does know us, when. We share intimate details about our dreams and our goals when we've shared beautiful experiences with each other on a friendship level, on a love level, on a, on a human level, and they don't support us, we really, I started to question myself. And this is why I wanna share this with you, because I questioned myself so much because people close to me, questioned me that I thought I was the crazy one. I thought that I was the one going down the wrong path. See, I didn't realize that not everybody wanted me to win. I didn't realize that. I thought that everyone wanted me to win. As I dug further and further though, into my own experience and watching this happen to other people, what I realized is it's not that people don't want you to win. That's not it at all. Sometimes other people are so scared because what you are doing, what you're pursuing, what you're building, what you're creating is so far out of their realm. It is so far out of their reality that they get scared and nervous for you. I have an episode coming up with one of my dearest friends, my friend Alana, Alana Kay. She's the artist who actually did this painting sitting behind me, and she is also an entrepreneur and it's crazy. All her brand is, I mean, it's, it's like this painting. This is what she does. She's an artist and it is out there and it is, it is different and it is unique and it is her. And I remember sitting during Covid, and us talking and her telling me about some of her dreams and some of her goals. And I will admit that I got super scared for her. because what she's doing is so far out of my comfort zone that I, I didn't want her to get hurt. And I think that's what happens when people try and protect us, and we think it means they don't want us to win. It's not that they don't want us to win, it's that they don't want us to get hurt. So I did this to Alana. I didn't want her to get hurt. I didn't want her to try some of these things that A, I couldn't see. And B, I didn't understand. And the reason I share this with you is because I've been on both sides of this, and I bet you too have been on both sides of this. There's been something that you've wanted to go do. There's been something that you've tried, there's been something that you've put yourself out there for, and you've gotten resistance from other people, but I bet you've done that to people as well. And so the question is how do we navigate this dynamic? How do we navigate that dynamic that when we do something that's big, that we don't let other people get in our head? How do we also navigate the dynamic that when our loved ones, when the people we adore, when our friends, our family, our significant others, when they go to do something that's exciting, when they go to do something that's big and scary, that we don't put our fears on them. So how do we navigate this when we are trying to do something that inspires us or motivates us when we're trying to do that big scary thing number one, we have to recognize that not everyone is going to cheer us on, and that includes some people who are super close to you. Some people are going to be scared for us, and because they're scared for us, they can't step back and just kind of pause on things. They've gotta actually tell us, this is a risk. What are you doing? You could lose money, you could lose time. You could look like an idiot. You could fail, right? All the things. They just aren't going to do it. It's not in them. we just have to recognize that and be okay with it. Number two. Is that we have to acknowledge that our goals and dreams, those big things that we wanna accomplish, those bold things that we wanna do, that magic that we wanna create in our life. No one else has been given the vision the way that we have. You have not been given the vision that I have. The things that I am trying to accomplish in real estate investing, getting on stages, inspiring women, those things that are me to do, they're not within you. You may respect it, you may like it. Some of you may not. You've probably already turned this off already, but. What you have, what you are thinking of doing, what you are trying to come alive and bring to the table what you are trying to manifest. No one else has ever been given your vision, period. No one. No one, not your best friend, not your mom, not your dad, not your, you know husband, your boyfriend, your significant other. No one has been given the vision that you have. So one, we have to recognize that some people just can't cheer us on. Number two, no one else has been given the vision that we have. Number three. Because no one else has been given the vision. We have to be our own cheerleader. We have to be our own motivator. We have to clearly understand our why. Write it down, hang it up. Put it somewhere where we can see it all the time, every day. If you don't have your why in front of you. You're gonna lose momentum because why you're doing something is the thing that's gonna keep you going when the shit gets real hard. And by the way, I don't care what it is that you're trying to accomplish or bring to life, it's gonna be hard. Some part of it is going to be hard. You have to be your own motivator. And number four is that when people who you think should be cheering you on, but they're not, you gotta go and seek out the people who are, you gotta go find the new people. They're gonna cheer you on. They're gonna motivate you, they're gonna inspire you. They're gonna impact you. They're gonna support you. They're gonna work with you. They're gonna do that more than other people. Why? They don't know your full story. They're meeting you now. They don't know you five years ago, who's been through change. They don't know you. 10 years ago. Who's a completely different person, right? They're new. They're seeing you from this vantage point forward. You know, I had people in my life who were absolutely behind me when I was a fundraiser. Then when I went to be a coach, still behind me, still cheering me on the second I decided to be. A real estate investor, which I did that in 2010, so it's not even new. But when I outwardly put it out there, people are like, Nope, don't like that. Right? So sometimes it's just new iterations of ourselves that people don't understand and people don't get, and that is okay. It is okay. Sometimes we have to hold our goals close to the vest. We have to protect them from negative influences. We have to protect them from solicited or unsolicited opinions. I remember one time I was gonna put something out on LinkedIn. I was thinking through some ideas and I discussed it with one of my nearest and dearest, and she said to me, Caytie. Stop. You do not need the noise. We have to hold our goals close and get to work. Take the action, put in the steps, we gotta dig in a little further. It is better to keep our dreams to ourselves until they are ready to be shared with supportive audience. And sometimes lady, sometimes you just gotta do things and you have to know that you are the only person that is cheering you on. And guess what? I'm here to tell you that that is 100% okay. If you are the only person that sees your vision, if you are the only person that understands what you're trying to accomplish and where you're trying to go. That is okay. Keep putting in the work, keep doing the thing. I promise you that the closer that you get to things, the more you take action, the more that you put yourself out there and do the thing, whatever the thing is for you. I promise that the more that you move, the more resources and the people are going to come and find you. It's crazy. It happens, and you just gotta tell yourself every day, over and over, this is what I do, this is what I do, this is what I do, and you gotta take some actions. It is completely normal for us to seek validation from others, but I want to remind you of one simple fact. The only person that stares back from the mirror is you no one else. So while you may want someone else to validate your goals, while you may want someone else to validate your dreams, to validate the work that you're doing, know that at the end of the day, you are the only person that can truly do that. No one else is steering back at the mirror to you except you. And so therefore, the only opinion that really matters whether or not you can go and do the thing you wanna do is you. Think about how many people have had big, crazy ideas. Every single thing has been create from nothing. Somebody decided to do podcasts. The first person that did it, they called crazy. Do you know how many times Sarah Blakely at Spanx was turned down? There are books that you have read that have been turned down by publishers over and over and over. anything, that is a value and substance, anything, any idea somebody has called crazy. I built a career on going out and giving a speech called Embrace Your Inner Badass. Before I launched it, I asked people for advice and I had people tell me to my face that I'm crazy. I will post a picture of me standing by the sign that now hangs in my office. I will never forget I showed up at a speaking engagement. I used that title even though people told me not to because they wouldn't hire me, and I was crazy and I was gonna turn people off. I walked into a sign that is a, it's huge. It's like two feet by three feet. It's great. It's awesome. People told me I was crazy. See, everyone else has their lens in life. Their notions, their biases. They have their failures, their successes, and so we have to keep on those blinders and focus on our own journey. No one has been given your vision, and I promise that you can sidestep all the naysayers and stay true to your path. The truth is not everyone wants you to win. Some people know they don't want you to win. Some people know they want you to fail. Some people don't know that they don't want you to win. They just wanna protect you. You need to get really clear on what it is that you wanna do and where you wanna go, and you have to have full belief. You gotta work that belief muscle out every single day, multiple times a day, because one day they're gonna look back at you and say, how the hell did you do it? Lady, I don't know what it is that you wanna do. I don't know what it is that you're trying to impact in your life, but I truly believe because there is only one you that the one and only you is destined for greatness. Your talents, your strengths, your superpower, your lens. Your experience, your knowledge, all right now, at this time in world history, it means something. So if you have something that it is that you wanna go and do, a goal that you wanna achieve, a dream that you want to come to fruition, just know that not everybody is gonna be behind you, but you can be behind you. I encourage you to reflect on your goals and the support system around you. Build new relationships with people who are going to help you get there. I promise the old people, they'll come around. They always do. Remember that your dreams are valid and you have the power to make them a reality. Keep pushing forward, stay focused, and don't you dare let anyone dim your light because you, my dear, you were not made to be subtle. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of Not Made to Be Subtle. Remember, we're not just a podcast. No, we are a movement for women just like you. And if today's episode resonated with you, please don't keep it to yourself. I promise that there is a woman in your sphere of influence who also needs to hear this message. Please help us spread the word. That it is time to break free from those societal expectations that tell us to stay small. Also, I would love for you to hit that like button hit subscribe and please give us your feedback by leaving a comment. Your feedback is the fuel that helps us in our mission to bring you content that you love, that you want, and that you crave. Here's the thing, we want to hear your thoughts. We wanna know your story, and we wanna understand your journey toward unapologetic boldness. Remember. You are never alone on your path. We are here for you as you go about your day, carry this unapologetic boldness within you. And until next time, I want you to stay fierce, stay badass and always remember that you, you, my dear, were not made to be subtle.