What's Meant For You...

Overview:
In this episode, Caytie Langford reflects on the concept of trusting the journey and understanding that what is meant for oneself will not miss them. Drawing from recent experiences at conferences and trainings, Caytie shares personal anecdotes and insights from her career journey, particularly focusing on a significant career pivot made nine years ago and the lessons learned since then. Through stories and reflections, she emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition, recognizing signs, and taking imperfect action towards goals.

Key Highlights:

1. Introduction to the Theme: Caytie introduces the concept that what is meant for oneself will not miss them, drawing from recent observations at conferences and trainings.
2. Personal Reflections: Sharing personal experiences from her career journey, Caytie highlights moments of doubt, realization, and pivotal decisions, including the decision to leave her fundraising career nine years ago.
3. Trusting Your Gut: Caytie emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and believing that the right opportunities will align with their path.
4. The Feather, The Brick, and The Mack Truck: Caytie discusses the metaphor introduced by her friend Lindsay, illustrating how subtle nudges (feathers), challenges (bricks), and crises (Mack trucks) guide paths.
5. Taking Action and Accepting Patience: Caytie stresses the need for taking action towards goals while accepting that progress may take time, highlighting the importance of the law of Goya (get off your ass).
6. Reflecting on Lessons Learned: Through personal anecdotes and reflections, Caytie underscores the importance of embracing the journey, recognizing the impact of failures and challenges, and trusting that everything meant for oneself will find its way to them.

00:00 Introduction: Embracing the Unsubtle Life

01:19 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Success

04:25 A Turning Point: The Decision to Quit and Pursue More

11:05 Reflecting on Nine Years of Growth, Failure, and Success

22:30 The Power of Action: Moving Towards What's Meant for You

24:41 Listening to Life's Signals: Feathers, Bricks, and Mack Trucks

32:50 Conclusion: Trusting the Journey and Embracing What's Yours

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Transcript

Caytie Langford: 0:00

What is meant for you will not miss you, but if you are just sitting there not doing a damn thing, it's not coming. It's not coming.

Caytie: 0:13

Welcome to Not Made To Be Subtle where we celebrate the art of embracing fear, pushing boundaries and making a statement in a world that often expects us to be subtle. I'm your host, Caytie Langford. I'm a full time real estate investor, but along the way I was a nonprofit fundraiser turned executive coach. I once stood at the intersection of This is everything that I've ever wanted. And is this really it? I've learned so much along the way. And now this podcast will be your go to destination for candid discussions with me and with other bad ass women who dared to ask the same, is this it? And decided to chase after more. Stay tuned for riveting stories. unfiltered conversations and actionable advice that will move you from where you are to where you want to go. Welcome to not made to be subtle because you, my dear, you were never made to be subtle.

Caytie Langford: 1:19

Today I want to talk about an idea that has really been heavy on my heart. I just got back from two back to back conferences, and in fact, tomorrow I am going to a training, followed by another conference this upcoming weekend. And what's fascinating about being with Anywhere from 200 up to 3000 of your peers and your colleagues is that everyone has a different approach to life and business and to how they are going to become successful. And one of the things that I realized was that I'm in a very new place in my life. I'm in a place where I no longer feel like I have to chase. I am no longer in the place where I feel like I have to be everything to everyone and I don't need to be everywhere. And so when I started thinking about this, I thought maybe you are in that place as well. And I want you to know that today we are going to be talking about the idea that what is meant for you will not miss you. It will not miss you. Now you might be listening, thinking, what in the hell is she talking about? But in my former life. Both in former careers and former businesses that I owned, I really felt like I had to push. I had to push every single thing. I was literally that woman standing under the boulder, trying to push it up the mountain and what I have come to know and be very aware of is that what is meant for me will in no way miss me. Many of you have heard the Steve Jobs quote about connecting the dots. In case you haven't, here it is. Steve Jobs says, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something. Your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Now, I don't know about you. I don't know what it is that you trust in. I trust in God. Some days I call God she. Some days I call God he. Some days I call God universe. And no matter what it is that you believe in, hopefully you have found something that you can trust in. Here's what I know sitting here almost one year fully removed from having alcohol in my life. I no longer have to be the woman pushing the boulder up the hill because what is coming to me, what is meant for me is absolutely never going to miss me. And so I want to reflect back and share a story about how I'm coming up this very week, actually on my ninth anniversary of walking away from my very first career. As you probably know, the first 14 years of my career was spent in nonprofit fundraising, mostly in major gift fundraising and in nonprofit leadership, fundraising leadership. Now, nine years ago this week, I was actually at a conference in New York. I was there with all of my peers, many other chief development officers, VPs of development, from across the country. And we went to what I would consider arguably one of the best fundraising trainings that I'd ever been to in my career. One evening we were sitting at happy hour after a day full of training and I'm listening to everyone talk about their job and how much they love their job, how much they love what they do. And I just bust out into tears. And when I say I bust out into tears, I would love for you to think that it was like a couple of small little tears streaming down my face. But that is in fact not what happened. In fact, what happened was those big tears that make snot in your nose. And then when snot like runs down your face and you're like, Oh my goodness, I'm not really among strangers, but I kind of am amongst strangers. And now I have. snot and tears running down my face. Oh my goodness. How is this happening? But what happened was it was the first moment that I took a breath. And I said out loud that the road I was walking down, the role that I was in was not right. you see, I had worked very, very hard to get to the C suite in nonprofit leadership. And I got what I thought was my dream job. But the truth was. It wasn't my dream job. Now, I think when I took it, it was. I really do believe that. And here's what's cool about you and me as humans. We are ever growing, ever expanding human beings. And so sometimes when we have a goal or a dream and then we have that come to fruition, We're like, Oh, okay. Now I have a new goal or a new dream. And as I have spent the last nine years reflecting since I left that fundraising career, I also know that. It really was about the journey and who I had to become. It really wasn't the destination. I arrived at the destination and I was like, yeah, this isn't it. But I also was terrified to leave. I was terrified to quit because I didn't know what other people would think of me. I was terrified to quit because I didn't know what the hell I was going to do if I quit. I was terrified to quit because one of my mentors actually hired me for that role and that was a really big deal for her because she had just become the CEO and then she hired me. So she was also trying to get it right. Of course, she's clearly crushing it. Absolutely. Just doing amazing, wonderful things so. I was terrified. I just thought, oh my goodness, I couldn't do it. I could not leave, even though my gut was telling me it was time to leave, my head was telling me it was time to leave, but here I was at that happy hour around my peers and I just lost it. I was so overwhelmed with doubt. I was so overwhelmed with sadness. I had become so disinterested in the work. And here's the thing, the work was really important. The work that this organization does is so freaking critical and vital that it really Wasn't fair to the organization if I wasn't all in it. And so nine years ago, this week, literally on a Monday, I decided that I was going to quit. And on Thursday I had a meeting with my CEO. I walked in, it was our, Our weekly meeting and I said, I have to quit. I can't do this anymore. It was a shock. I think to her, it was funny because I didn't think it should be a shock, but maybe I was just better at hiding how miserable I really was. And I don't think she wanted me to leave, right? Not because I'm super amazing and awesome because she obviously went on and found great team members, but, you know, when you put your team together, you never want your team to go, especially if things are starting to really become a well oiled machine. But I had to quit. I had to walk away from it all, and y'all, I quit without a plan. I did not know what I was doing. I did not know where I was going. I did not know anything other than I was quitting, and I had made the decision that I really wanted to get out of nonprofit fundraising. I was just done. I was burnt out. I was so sick of looking at humans as just dollar signs. And I don't think that fundraising does that to you. I think that's just where I was. So I quit. I quit. And not only did I quit y'all, but when I say this, I mean, I graduated on Saturday, went to work on Monday. Every single time I got promoted, every single time I got a new role at a new organization, I never took more than three business days off in between jobs. So for me to just completely walk away, It was terrifying, it was terrifying. And I spent the next six months after I wrapped up, I had about three and a half weeks left there, I wrapped up and I spent the next six months trying to figure out what it was that I was going to do. And you know that I went on, I got my certification, I became an executive coach. From 2016 to 2022 I spent my time. coaching ambitious women, helping them get promoted in their careers, helping them move to different companies and even pivot within different industries. What's crazy though is that some of you may look at my social media and be like, wow, Caytie's had it so easy. Like it all just fell together. Abso freaking lutely not. The last nine years have been so hard. The last nine years I have cried more times than I can admit. I have failed more times than I can admit. I've actually admitted I've shared some of my failures with you and I'm going to continue because I think that sharing my failures makes me more human to you and makes me not feel alone because we all fail, right? The idea is how do we fail forward? Sometimes I've fallen and fell forward and sometimes I have fallen and fell backwards. But here is what is crazy is that every experience that I have had over the last nine years, starting multiple businesses, getting into a partnership with a business that I thought was going to be my legacy company forever, only to then have to dissolve that business and walk away because our lives and our visions were going in two different directions. I have paid for mentorship and coaching programs. I have launched products that have completely failed. I have spoken on stages. Where I'm pretty sure the people who got me the gigs were like, Oh my gosh, she just bombed because it happens. It happens to all of us. The hard times, the great times, things like doing my Ted X talk, things like speaking at Southwest airlines on international women's day, right? Those were the highs. Those were the moments that I was like, yes, this is amazing. But every single thing that has come my way that was meant for me has not missed me. Including the failures, including the learnings. And so one of the things that I want you to know and to take away from my last nine years, as you apply it to your own life, no matter where you're at, maybe things are going amazingly great for you. And you're like, Caytie, nothing could be better right now. Maybe things are falling to shit for you and you're like, I don't know when is it going to stop raining because I am sick of being in the thunderstorm and I am waiting for my rainbow, right? I don't care where you are. The thing that I want you to walk away from is that what is meant for you, is meant for you. It is meant for you, God, the universe, whatever it is that you put your trust into the law of freaking attraction, just the law of physics, how the world works when it comes to energy. And yes, you may not know this, but I actually took AP physics two in high school. I fricking love physics and it's why I applied and got into every single college in the engineering school. school. Of course, that was in the late nineties and, uh, everyone talked me out of it, but I digress. What is meant for you is going to find you. You are a magnet. You are. And so what I want to help you see and understand is that if you're like me, you want progress to happen on the spot I want this podcast to be the biggest and the best and the most amazing. I want the best guests and I want to hit high numbers. But it's probably not going to happen as quickly as what I want it to. It's probably going to take a little bit more time. Now does that mean that I'm going to stop putting in effort? Absolutely not. But sometimes patience is actually our gift. I don't know about y'all though, I just have to have a caveat right here. I don't have a lot of patience and in fact, since I was a child, my mother always said, don't ask for patience because God will give you ways to practice your patience. And that is absolutely a true statement. I've had to practice patience more times than I realized. One of the conferences that I was at, the guy who leads this conference, he kept saying over and over, and he said it so many times. And it's so funny that this just happens to coincide with my nine year anniversary is that we overestimate what we can do in a year. And we underestimate what we can do in a decade. And. It's a little scary for me that this decade is approaching, you know, and the next Give or take 365 days, depending on when you listen to this. 2025 will be 10 years since I left non profit philanthropic fundraising. But when I look at where I'm going, and when I look at what I'm called to do right now, I'm Which, the theme throughout my life and how I define success is that my mission and my success in life is determined by have I and am I inspiring, motivating, and impacting the lives of other women. If you look at anything that I've done, whether it be how I've made money in my volunteer life, just how I try and approach other women in friendships, it is all about how can I inspire, motivate, and impact the lives of women? Because I truly believe that that is the gift that God has given me. So know that sometimes this will not happen quickly. And the last nine years have been proof of that. It's been freaking hard. Really freaking hard. I've done great things. I've done amazing things. But you cannot rush things. Sometimes you have to get through and connect dots because what is coming in the future Needs your past dots. So when I look at what I'm doing now, so I have a community of women who are real estate investors, I am pouring into them every single Monday night. I am helping them with their mindset. They're belief in themselves, their confidence. I'm not the real estate guru. I'm probably never going to be the real estate guru, but as I am pouring into these women, and as I've been using. My coaching and my coaching expertise. I realized. that a lot of women have really great real estate deals, but they don't have funding. They don't have the capital to do it. And so I'm super excited. I am actually creating, right now I am working on, we will be launching a fund where we are going to raise money from women and allies. We'll take some male's money as well, but I want to raise money mostly from women and we're going to be investing it into women owned and women led real estate projects. So many more details are coming about that. Some of them I can talk about, some of them I can't, you know, I'm not trying to go to jail. The SEC is actually paying attention to what is happening. I Never would have guessed that nine years ago when I walked away from my fundraising career that I would somehow nine years later be back in fundraising, just calling it capital raising, right? So there's philanthropic fundraising and there is investment capital raising. I didn't know that. I never connected those dots. And in fact, a couple of years ago, when Amanda and I were still running bold women society had an idea to start a venture capital fund because I saw so many women who are starting businesses and we started exploring that. Some of you, I even had conversations with, I had a lot of conversations about what that could potentially look like. And I started following other VC funds, both on Instagram and LinkedIn. I've read some books and again, I just thought it was cool. I thought it was cool that I saw other women investing in women. And I was like, I might be able to do this. It didn't happen. That idea kind of just went to the wayside. I kept learning because I thought it was cool what they were doing, but it wasn't until I got into this space of real estate investing and I started connecting my dots. I started seeing how I could inspire, motivate, and impact the lives of women in different ways. I started seeing how my life as a fundraiser could Even though it really did close that door nine years ago that. That could come back that I could use all of the tools and techniques and skills that I have from coaching and do it in this real estate investing world. For those of you who don't know, cause I have not talked a whole lot about real estate investing on this podcast, but only 31. 6 percent of real estate investors are women. Personally, I think that's freaking disgusting. I hate that number it is way too low. It just pisses me off. Now we've also made amazing strides and women are buying single family houses for their homestead at a higher rate than single males are. So that's exciting. We're moving in the right direction. You should probably be investing in real estate. Remember that I am. Abiding by every single SEC law. I'm not trying to go to jail for anyone. But as a person who has been investing in real estate outside of my homestead since 2010, it makes a lot of sense for a lot of people. And it makes sense that we've got to move that number off of 31. 6%. And as my mom always told me, if you don't like the way something's happening, get in there, roll up your sleeves, and get to work. So I think I've had some patience. I think I've accepted some things along the way. But now I am absolutely, and not just now, I've been doing it for the last nine years. I have been using the law of Goya, the law of get off your ass, right? That's what John Asseroff says, and I appreciate him teaching me that concept. Because even though what's meant for you won't miss you, if you don't do anything, If you don't take action, it will not happen. It just won't. So if you're just sitting on your sofa and watching TV and you expect your career to grow, you expect your bank account to grow. You expect you get healthier. You expect to, you know, have a better relationship with your partner or significant other. It won't happen. It will not happen. Life is about working at things. Life is about working on yourself, working on your relationships. Life is about working on your career, on who you want to become. Um, working on your health. Maybe I've already said health. Health is a big thing for me right now because I've realized that I've kind of let some things go and so it is becoming my number two, maybe even my number one of what I'm starting to focus on because I've got to use the law of Goya when it comes to my health. What is meant for you will not miss you, but if you are just sitting there not doing a damn thing, it's not coming. It's not coming. You have to decide and take action. Imperfect action trumps perfect inaction every single time. every single time. If you're like, well, I've got to wait until I, whatever, have the money in the bank, am more fit, have more time, have more energy, feel more confident. No, you cannot do that. You cannot wait. You have to take action. You have to, you got to get up. You got to believe that what is meant for you will not miss you because it won't, but you also have to take action. And I want to also teach you something that my new friend, Lindsay, Lindsay Travis out in California, she taught me this. again, just about a week ago when I was at the first conference that I was at And Lindsey told me about the feather, the brick, and the Mack truck. Sometimes when we're going down the road, we are going to have a feather that comes around and it nudges us. And it says, Ooh, Sally, Caytie. Amy, Jennifer, Sarah, whatever your name is, I'm going to kind of just touch you with this feather. I'm going to be like, Oh, there it is. And it's to get you to start thinking, Oh, maybe I need to take a right here. Maybe I need to take a left here. Maybe this path I'm on is not the path. Maybe there's something else. And sometimes we will get the feather over and over and over, but we won't get the sign. When I look back at my fundraising career, I probably had a couple of feathers I could even tell you what they are now that I think about it. I've had feathers at every point in my life. Those just small little nudges, maybe you even call your intuition, oh, is this the right thing? Oh, my intuition is kind of saying no, but I'm going to ignore it. Because maybe somebody else is telling us something, maybe we're worried about what other people think, right? All those reasons why I didn't want to leave my last W2 fundraising job was because all of those things. So then when the feather doesn't work, we get the brick. And sometimes the brick gets dropped on our toes. Sometimes the brick gets thrown at our head, right? It's a little bit more. It's the thing that says You're not doing the right thing. You're not going down the right place. You're not listening to your intuition So i'm going to throw a brick in your path and i'm going to need you to stumble over it so that you pivot You take a left you take a right you do something different and sometimes we get the message I recently have gotten a message You Not from the feather. The feather was happening. I was like, no, no, no, no. And then I started getting bricks and a couple of the bricks started getting like heavier and heavier. And I realized that the Mack truck was coming. So I made a decision and I pivoted. Sometimes, we don't listen to the feather and we don't listen to the brick, and guess what happens? The Mack truck comes headed our way. Okay, so let me tell you, let me back up for a minute. Nine years ago, okay? Nine years ago, I've got the feathers, I've got the bricks. The bricks were happening. The bricks were happening. Just a few weeks. before I wanted to quit. And no, not even then, like months before I was out of alignment. When you cry every day in your office, those are bricks. Those are bricks saying, are you sure you want to do this? And then I went on vacation with my mom and my grandmother not too soon before I wound up quitting. And my mom was like, Hey, something's not right. What's going on with you? Right? Our moms know that mom intuition. She's like, something's off. I know you and something's off. And I was like, yeah, it's work. I just, I'm just, I'm going to keep going though. And my mom's like, really? Cause. You've never been like this, so something's going on. So I started reflecting, I started reflecting. The week before, Shane and I are sitting at dinner and again, I just start bawling. This is before I go to the conference. Okay. This is a week before I go to the conference and I am bawling. I'm like, I cannot do this anymore. This is stressful. This is, I cannot do this, but it's still just a brick. Well, let me tell you, I get home from the conference. I've already said I can't do this anymore, but I am like, no, I am going to do this. I'm going to dig in and I'm going to stay. It doesn't matter how many bricks are coming my way. I'm going to stay. I went to the dentist. Y'all, when I went to the dentist, as they do, they took my blood pressure and my hygienist, who I'd known at this point for multiple years, I'd been going to that dentist for like eight or nine years, looks at me and says, Caytie, you are always a perfect 120 over 80. And right now you are in the danger zone. My blood pressure was through the freaking roof. It was through the roof. My body was like, we cannot do this anymore. Your Mack truck is showing up. It is hitting you. We are hitting you in your health because you are not paying attention. And my Mack truck came and it came barreling towards me and I lost sleep. My blood pressure was through the roof. I was a freaking mess and a nightmare. The Mack truck was there. It was like, you can't keep going. And so it got really hard and I had to quit. And it's funny as I say that so many times, I quit, I quit, I quit. You know what's awesome? I did leave that role, but I left that to go and do the thing that I was supposed to do. Now, I didn't know what I was supposed to do, right? So I had to take action just like you. Just like you have to do. I knew that whatever was for me wasn't going to miss me and it never did. It's never once in my life missed me. And I want you to stop and think about it. Think back to everything in your life. The good times, the hard times, the tragedies, the crises, the amazing, the wins. I don't know what it is that your purpose is in life. I don't know what impact you're supposed to make. Everything that is meant for you has come to you. Maybe you are supposed to improve someone else's life by sharing your story. Maybe you are supposed to go and build something great or create something great. Maybe you've had to go through something because you're then going to go teach someone how to do it differently. or better. What has been meant for you has absolutely never, ever, ever missed you, and it never will. It is impossible. So I want you to start paying attention to your feathers and your bricks. And God willing, those Mack trucks will not find you, but they do find us all at one point or another. I want you to start trusting your gut, listening to your intuition, pay attention when those nudges and those signs start happening. And just know, even if you are unsure. in the rainbow right now, or maybe you are in the rain. What is meant for you will not miss you. I promise you that one day you will look back and you will connect the dots. You will see how the dots were coming together. I know my dots, they're still being laid out. I'm taking steps every day. Most of the steps I'm taking right now, scary AF, like super scary AF, but I'm still going to take those steps and I want you to start taking them too. And just know that the dots are connecting that what is meant for you will not miss you

Caytie: 32:50

thanks for tuning in to Not Made To Be Subtle. Remember, life's journey is rarely straightforward, but it's the twists and the turns that make it worth living. Embrace the uncertainty, make bold decisions, and never underestimate your power to create the life that you envision. Will you do me a favor? Will you rate and review and subscribe? This helps more women like you find our podcast. Stay tuned for more episodes packed with insights, inspiration, and a touch of badass boldness.